Porn & Sexpectations!
Some people watch porn and some don’t. Some people really like porn and some people really don’t. Some things about porn are good, but some are really terrible. It is important to understand that there are differences between sex in porn and sex in real-life relationships, and that people don’t always look or act like that in real life.
Is there a difference between porn sex and real-life sex?
YES!
Did you know that it can take about 8 hours to film a 20 minute porn scene?
Although the people in porn are having sex, they are acting. So, it’s like a big sex performance, rather than how people actually have sex in real life. Watching porn and thinking that’s how sex is in real life is like watching an action movie and thinking that’s what normal life is like.
A lot of the time porn actors will need to have sex in uncomfortable positions, so that the camera can get a good close-up on what’s happening. In reality, the most popular sex position for couples is ‘the missionary’. That’s when one person is on top of the other. This allows for both people to see each other, and plenty of kissing, touching and talking.
Porn bodies – we don’t all look like that!
Porn actors are often hired because of how they look, and generally don’t look like the rest of us. Only about 5% of porn actors are overweight. In Ireland, about 51% of women and 66% of men are overweight. The average dress size for professional female porn actors is size 6-8 – that’s 3 to 4 dress sizes smaller than the average Irish woman. Men in porn are often tanned and muscular, and do not represent the average male body. Remember, porn actors are hired because they look a certain way – but human bodies come in many different and beautiful shapes and sizes!
Porn penises
Porn vulvas & vaginas
They can be very big!
Penises in porn are generally a LOT bigger than the average penis. In Ireland the average penis size (for an adult man) is 5.1 inches, erect (hard). In porn, the average size is over 7 inches for professional male actors. Male porn actors are often hired because of their penis size.
Staying ‘hard’
It’s normal for men to get erections (boners) and lose erections when having sex. In porn, it seems like the men can stay hard all day and all night, but remember – you’re only seeing the parts of the clip that the producers want you to see. That’s why you never see a guy losing his erection in porn.
Vulva appearance
Vulvas (the outside of the vagina) come in all different colours, shapes and sizes, but a lot of the time in porn it seems like all vulvas look the same and are all symmetrical. The reality is that, like all the other parts of the human body, everyone’s vulva is slightly different, so don’t worry if yours looks different to the vulvas on screen.
Squirting
You might hear about or see videos of women squirting in porn. This is when fluid squirts out the urethra when a woman is having an orgasm. Only about 4% of women actually can squirt, so don’t be worried at all if you can’t or you don’t know how to. When a woman squirts, a fluid (made up of diluted urine and vaginal fluid) comes out of the urethra as the woman orgasms and her bladder muscles relax.
Porn pubes
There are hardly any pubes anywhere to be seen in porn. This is for two reasons. Female porn actors shave their pubes so you can see the vulva (the outside of the vagina) more clearly, whereas male porn actors shave their pubic hair to make their penises look bigger. It’s all just for appearance reasons. There is no health or hygiene benefit to having no pubes.
Anal sex
There is a lot of guy-girl anal sex going on in porn. This can make it seem like anal sex is something that all women like to do, or at least try. This is far from true. A lot, if not most women, will never try anal sex over the course of their entire life. If this is something you might consider trying in the future, it’s really important that you discuss it with your partner, and know how to have anal sex properly and safely.
Anal sex hygiene
Sometimes in porn, people go straight from having anal sex to having vaginal or oral sex, without cleaning the penis in between. It is SO important that the penis is cleaned after anal sex, as bacteria can be passed from the anal passage to the vagina or mouth and cause infection.
Enthusiastic consent
Probably the MOST IMPORTANT thing in relation to sex is the giving and receiving of consent for every single thing that you do. That means making sure that anything you do with your partner is for the right reasons, and that both of you really want to do it. In porn, you don’t see the giving and receiving of consent. It looks as if all people involved are mind-readers who know exactly what the other person wants. But remember – it’s scripted and they are acting!
Condoms
You don’t often see condoms in porn sex. However, condoms are used a lot in gay porn and certain porn companies ensure that all of their employees use them. It’s important to note that all professional porn actors are required to get STI checks every 2 weeks, and even that does not guarantee that they don’t pick up any STIs. It’s really important to use condoms when you have sex, to protect against STIs and pregnancy.
Orgasms
Ooohhh, Eeeehh, Aaahhh! – There’s a lot of this going on in porn. Female orgasms in porn are generally very loud and exaggerated. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, they are faking it. Remember, they are acting and it is a performance! The majority of people don’t make these sounds when they are having an orgasm, but some do and that’s cool too.
Sexual violence
The things that we see in some (not all) porn can be terribly nasty and violent, like people being hurt or sexually assaulted. It might seem like the actors love being called names and treated really badly, but they don’t – they’re just acting and the people in the videos are paid to act like they are enjoying it. It can be confusing to watch when someone looks like they are enjoying being hurt. If you have seen something that you are upset by it is really important that you have somebody that you can talk to about it.
If you feel that you have been affected by rape or sexual assault contact Galway Rape Crisis Centre for advice and support http://www.galwayrcc.org
Here are some things that will almost certainly happen at some point in your sex life, that you rarely see on the big screen.
You, and your sexual partner(s) will sweat – sometimes A LOT. This is completely normal, as sex is basically a really fun form of exercise! Your hair, make-up and fake tan will get messed up and you might lose a fake nail or two. Anyway, you won’t have make-up artists touching up your foundation between shots like they do in the movies. If you are enjoying yourself and feel comfortable with your partner, you won’t mind a bit!
You will try different sex positions – you will enjoy some, and not like others. Some may feel uncomfortable or just plain awkward. You might bang a few elbows, heads and knees off walls and low ceilings from time to time. You will get to know what you like as you become more experienced – no one starts off having sex with a tool belt full of tricks and skills! Sex takes time and practice.
You will sometimes feel awkward or lacking in confidence – but so does everyone! Sometimes we feel more confident with certain partners, or when we have been having sex for a while.
Boys, you or your partner (or both) will orgasm early sometimes, find it difficult to get and keep an erection and get tired. Girls, you may find that you become sore after having sex for a long time, or find it hard to orgasm and also become tired. These are all normal experiences. They happen to us all! Sex can use up lots of energy, so we need to be patient with our bodies.
You will learn that foreplay is super important for most people, particularly the ladies. If you were going by that unforgettable 8 Mile sex scene, you might think that it’s totally normal to get straight down to business. In reality, taking time to get our bodies ‘warmed up’ during foreplay allows the vagina to get ready for sex, and it is also very pleasurable and adds to the overall experience.
Your body will make weird noises! Your bodies might make those cringey squelchy sounds when you are up close and personal, strange sounds might come out of your mouth and air can escape from your vagina from all the action that’s going on down there! The best thing to do is laugh it off… sex involves letting go and enjoying yourself, so it’s totally OK that our bodies are relaxing too. In fact, being relaxed when you’re having sex makes it so much more enjoyable. It won’t be all romantic soundtracks and dramatic moaning and groaning every time!
Finally, the golden rule of sex: if you do not want to do something, don’t do it! Sometimes we forget that we can say no, and our partners need to be completely fine with that. It is everyone’s right to feel good and enjoy sex and not to feel pressured into doing something they are not comfortable with. (See Consent section for more information). If you love the idea of trying out something you have seen in the likes of Fifty Shades, good for you! If you don’t, that’s cool too. It’s your body and your experience, so don’t be afraid to say no.